Life has been going on for a while now. I do all sorts of things, I’m busy with my work, of course also with that cool new studio…. 🙂 and then people assume – understandably – that everything is fine again. I’m doing my thing again so that ankle will probably be ‘over’. And I wish that were true, but unfortunately it is not. It really is enormously frustrating at times. I am definitely not the type to sit on the proverbial butt and do nothing so being forced to take it easy at times is quite a drama for me.
But 7 months (yes time flies!) after the accident, I may be walking but it is laborious. And – to be honest – the last few months have seen little change in that. That’s not a good sign. I do know that it takes a long time, and the physio also said in the beginning (but that was three months ago now) that it could take another six months. But I can already predict that in three months I really won’t be walking like a lapwing. And so, in the meantime, I may have to start getting a little bit used to the fact that it may not get any better than this.
And yes I am struggling with that. Because that means no more outings, no more (active) trips, no more walks, no more shopping with a friend in town, no more city trips, no more things in general that involve walking and so on. Not to mention continuous pain or feeling uncomfortable.
If I go somewhere by car (because fortunately I can drive again) I have to think very carefully in advance whether I can park nearby. Sure I can manage to walk 500 meters but I have to think carefully where I “spend” my meters that day. Having walked around for an hour in the morning during a photo shoot, my ankle becomes less and less mobile. In the morning it’s fine, but during the day my ankle becomes thick and therefore less flexible. You understand that doesn’t work so well,
I still have no feeling under the sole of my foot. The front of my foot by the big toe is very painful at times and is still a bit raised. That is not helpful for your sense of balance.
Part of me doesn’t want to believe it. I don’t want to believe that I will never be able to stroll around a city for hours again. Going to a foreign country and wandering around a market there. It just can’t be true that I would never be able to do that again…. Only because of a stupid dog sled ride…..
Oh and now don’t bring up “It could have turned out much worse.” Because I know that by now. And that really doesn’t help me at all. And it certainly doesn’t make me any happier. Nor with the remark that it is so nice that I ‘can do so much already’. I see it very differently. Of course, I usually try to look on the bright side but sometimes it is so incredibly confrontational.
In the end it comes down to the fact that – if indeed it stays that way – a wheelchair is more convenient. At least then you can get from A to B without it taking hours and without it hurting much.
Good. For the time being, we are not there yet and we continue to plod along the same path. In two weeks we will have another check-up at the hospital. But then they will only check if the bone is still okay. It is not much more than that. But it is very important!
So that was the hard truth again…. 🙂 Let’s go back to being positive and hoping it all works out. Because I really don’t sit all day being negative. It’s not in my nature, but it does make me feel like shit sometimes, so to speak. And yes, sometimes I am being negative…. but mostly not. I just do nice things, have nice work and nice friends and so on…. So that. And I just think I’ll be fine!
So you guys are up to date again!