It’s really been a long time since I’ve updated here on the status quo when it comes to my ankle. It’s been more than a year now. Unbelievable really. I was re-reading the pieces I wrote here in the beginning this week. About the pain, the frustration, the inability to do anything and yes, the depression.
As anyone who has ever been in a serious accident will agree, it’s not easy. And not being able to walk for 5 months (or was it longer…I already forgot) is definitely not fun. Last Christmas was a sad affair with Christmas lights around my hospital bed, which stood in the living room for about 7 months.
So how nice it is now to be able to do things normally again and celebrate Christmas in a normal way! Anyway, it has been a year with a hole anyway.
Living with a disability
I’ve gone through some pretty deep valleys, physically but also mentally, and despite my positive nature, there have also been several times when I’ve really lost it. Because living with a disability and with pain…. you have to learn that. It may sound strange, but eventually you have to give it a place. And that didn’t happen overnight.
But I notice that I can place it better these days. Yes I still suffer from it and no, in all likelihood it won’t go away 100%, but that’s how it is. Life goes on. I can’t do everything anymore and many things are more difficult or painful, but I’m doing the things I like again. Different maybe, but I do them.
Had x-rays at the AMC hospital today for the last time for now and discussion with Dr. Kloen. He thought it looked wonderful. The bone has grown together nicely, the screws are in well, and there is no reason to come in for any more checkups. I am still his big “talus success story.” 🙂 The lower ankle joint (with that you catch uneven surfaces, like on the beach for example) is not so good (there are a few smaller bones missing which affects mobility there) and that bothers me. But then that is a matter of paying attention to where you walk. Because if I step on a misplaced cobblestone it is quite painful. I’m not so fond of “cobblestones” anymore. As you can probably imagine.
As long as everything keeps going forward I don’t have to come back. If the pain becomes unbearable I will have to come back eventually, but that always means bad news so postponing as long as possible is the advice.
My own “killer body
In the meantime, I continue to work out and losing weight is also finally going in the right direction after months of fumbling on my part. I’m really glad I decided to ‘get’ a personal trainer six months ago. It is an investment but it is definitely worth it. That big stick behind the door works wonders. And working out makes my muscles stronger because they are still not quite at the level they were before, but we are getting there. And I hope that less weight will eventually be good for the joints.
Whether I’ll ever be able to walk a few miles again is still the big question, but I’m still going for it, so time will tell!